The Cake Lady Speaks: Say It Your Way—and STAND in It

Not everyone communicates the same way.

Some people speak fast.
They say it as it comes—direct and to the point.

Some people talk it through.
They process out loud and figure it out as they go.

Some people take their time.
They need space to think before they respond.

And some people need to write it out…
to make sure every word says exactly what they mean.

The key is knowing which one you are.

Because once you understand how you communicate best…
you stop second-guessing yourself
and start moving with intention.

This makes me laugh every time I think about it…

Whenever I had things pressing on my heart that needed to be addressed,
I would actually write letters to my then-husband—
because I already knew how it would go
if I tried to say it out loud in the moment.

Interrupted.
Misunderstood.
Turned into something else.

And then there was this…

He wouldn’t remember what we talked about.

Or at least—that’s what it felt like.

We could have a full conversation,
and later it would come back as:
“I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t tell me.”
“We never talked about that.”

And that right there?

That frustrated the heck out of me.

Because I knew we had the conversation.
I knew what was said.
I knew what was meant.

But somehow…
it kept getting lost,
shifted,
or completely rewritten.

And that’s when writing became more than expression—

it became clarity.

So instead of forcing a conversation
that I knew wasn’t going to go well…
I wrote.

And when I was finished writing, I didn’t tuck them away or hide them somewhere—
I left them right where I knew he would find them.

On top of the toilet seat lid.

Because… let’s be honest—
he’s going in there first thing in the morning, right?

So yes… that’s where the letter went.
Handwritten.
Early in the morning.
Before the day even started.

Not to be dramatic…
but because I needed my words to be seen before emotions had a chance to take over.

Now, did it work?

Not at first, for each instance.

I would write with care—
open, honest… and as respectful as I could be.

Not perfect.
But intentional.

I wasn’t trying to argue.
I wasn’t trying to provoke a reaction.

I was trying to say what was real—
what I was experiencing,
how it was affecting me,
and what I could no longer ignore.

And what I would get back?

Anger.
Defensiveness.
Letters filled with “you, you, you…”

It didn’t feel good.
And I could have stopped right there.

But I didn’t.

Because I knew something important:

Writing was the only way I could fully express what was in me.

And the truth is…
that didn’t start there.

I can remember going all the way back—
to my teenage years and into my early twenties—
writing letters.

To my mom… when I felt like I wasn’t being heard.
To people close to me… when I felt misunderstood.

Even to a friend who stopped talking to me—
because writing was the only way I knew how to reach her.

And no—this isn’t about bashing anyone.
It’s simply the truth of how I learned to communicate.

So I kept going.

I would write.
He would respond.

Sometimes I would write back again.

And eventually…
we would talk.

Not always perfectly.
Not always peacefully.
But the conversation would happen.

And over time… something shifted in me.

I stopped trying to re-explain everything.

I stopped going back and forth
trying to prove what was already said.

Because now?

It was documented.

So when the same conversations resurfaced—
and they always did—

I wasn’t arguing anymore.

I wasn’t trying to convince.
I wasn’t trying to defend.

I would simply go back…
and show what had already been said.

Not to throw it in his face—
but to stay grounded in truth.

Because once it’s written,
it doesn’t change.

It doesn’t get interrupted.
It doesn’t get rewritten.

It’s right there.

Clear.
Honest.
Complete.

And in that moment… I realized something:

Writing didn’t just help me communicate—

it helped me stand in what I said.

And something else happened…

I started having peace.

Not because everything around me changed, because honestly, things got worse—
but because I did.

Even in the middle of the same conversations,
the same cycles,
the same tension…

there was a calm in me that wasn’t there before.

Because I was clear.

We had already discussed it.
It had already been written.
It was already documented.

So internally, I would think to myself—

“I guess you’re just going to argue with yourself…”

Because I’m not going back and forth anymore.

Not out of disrespect—
but out of clarity.

Out of knowing that I said what needed to be said,
in the way I needed to say it.

And I didn’t have to keep re-entering the same cycle
just to feel heard.

And let me say this…

I never wanted to be the kind of person
who keeps receipts
or records of wrongs.

That was never my heart.

But when you’re with someone
who doesn’t pay attention
or show interest
in the conversations you’re having…

this is sometimes what it turns into.

Not because you’re trying to hold something over their head—
but because you’re trying to hold on to your sanity.

For me…

I was trying to save my own life.

I needed peace.

I wasn’t trying to argue.
I wasn’t trying to go back and forth.

I was trying to find a way
to say what needed to be said
and not lose myself in the process.

And unfortunately…

peace isn’t everyone’s goal.

Did it fix everything?

No.

I’m divorced today.
(And yes… there’s a little humor in that truth.)

But it did something for me that mattered just as much—

it made me stronger.

It taught me not to measure my method
by someone else’s comfort.

We were different—
the way we handled it wasn’t the same.

I was trying to express.
He was reacting.

And those are not the same.

Here’s what I understand now:

Some people respond quickly.
Some people react emotionally.
Some people want to deal with it immediately.

And others…

need to slow it down.
Need to process.
Need to write.

Need to be sure that what comes out
is clear, honest, and complete.

Standing in your way of communicating
doesn’t mean being careless with your words…

It means being intentional.

It means saying what’s true—
with clarity,
with honesty,
and with as much respect as you can bring to it.

Because the goal isn’t to communicate
in a way that makes someone else most comfortable…

The goal is to communicate
in a way that allows you to be:

clear, honest, and complete.

So if writing is the only way you can get it out—
write it.

Even if they don’t like it.
Even if they question it.
Even if they don’t receive it the way you hoped.

Because you didn’t write it
to avoid the conversation…

You wrote it to start it.

🌱 Growth

Growth isn’t always comfortable.

Sometimes it looks like doing what feels unnatural…
so you can finally move forward.

Sometimes growth sounds like writing the words
you’ve been holding in—
when speaking feels too hard.

And sometimes…

growth is having the courage
to send them.

✨ Closing

If writing it is what allows you to finally say what needs to be said…

Write it.

And when it’s time—

press send.

Sprinkle wisely.
Someone’s tasting your essence.

Love,
Ellen Moore, The Cake Lady
Author | Life & Engagement Coach | Baking & Culinary Specialist

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✨ About the Author

Ellen Moore is the creative voice behind The Cake Lady Speaks, blending life coaching, faith, and baking into moments that nourish the soul. As a seasoned cake artist, certified coach, and creator of the Find Your True Essence app, Ellen inspires others to grow through truth, flavor, and transformation. Whether she's frosting a cake or sharing a life lesson, Ellen invites you to taste the fullness of who you are—one sprinkle at a time.